Hi there Reader,

Welcome to this edition of Meaningful eMail with the most recent takeaway and updates linked here at the top, and then a full article for your consideration.

Grab what's helpful today, then save others for future reference. You never know when you or someone in your network could use a boost!

Recent Takeaways & Updates

"Find Your Why" by Simon Sinek and others My review of the companion to "Start With Why" has been one of the more popular of my LinkedIn videos. View it there or read it on my website to see the what the buzz is about! Read Takeaway

Come see my new talk: how being your best self is the key to your best work At the AAF D7 Conference in April! See the agenda

Stay tuned for my interview on the Manders Mindset podcast Target release date April 8 Podcast page

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Let's Explore

Fake it 'til you make it

This phrase has been in my feeds and emails way more than usual lately – even had a good friend use it as a rallying cry while we were wrapping up a conversation last week.

I had just told her I was a little nervous about being a podcast guest the next day (see update above) - how strange it felt going in as a career coach when I’m still so new at it. And she said “Own it! You’ll do great” and then with a laugh “just fake it ‘til you make it!” I smiled and my heart swelled.

But I also noticed a bit of a gut clinch. There was something about that phrase that just didn’t sit well.

Imposter Syndrome

Then I remembered a New Yorker article I read about a year ago which dove deep into the history of “imposter syndrome.” The writer interviewed the two psychologists who first identified imposter phenomenon (which morphed into “syndrome” some years later). In their research they found the underlying feelings and thoughts are centered around fraudulence. There’s a self-perceived deficiency in those who experience imposter syndrome, a false front they feel like they’re presenting. And it’s less about self-doubt and more about being found out. They feel like they’re faking it AND that others will see that fakery.

Bingo. The phrase “fake it ‘til you make it” is HALF of imposter syndrome. We’re just inviting imposter syndrome in when we adopt that fake-it-til-you-make-it mindset. Well really, we’re not just inviting it in, we're feeding it dinner, then turning back the bedcovers and leaving a chocolate on the pillow. Do we really want to do that?

Wouldn’t we rather have confidence as a bedfellow?

Of course! But how are we to feel confident when we don't yet have the experience, the answers to all the questions, the right training, the large loyal following, the recognition from others, the fill-in-your-own-confidence-crutch?

Confidence

I remember one client in particular who felt less confident at her day job yet more confident at her side hustle. As we worked through these differences, I was asking her questions to help get deeper into her definition of confidence, what it felt like in those two situations, and what it would take to be more confident in her day job. She did some great work that day and realized she felt more confident when other people validated her worth. She was leaving her confidence in the hands of others. She didn't want to do that anymore.

Whoa. Maybe this feels a bit familiar to you? I've certainly seen this pattern in some of my own situations.

The good news is we can take confidence out of the hands of others and claim it for our own. Let's put more focus & energy on building our own confidence instead of feeling like a fake who'll be found out at any moment.

So how can we make confidence a bedfellow, especially when we're about to step into a meeting, make a presentation or I don't know, be interviewed for a podcast.

1. Remember why you're there. Keep the bigger purpose in mind, usually it's some sort of greater good you can focus on: the project's goals, how you can serve the audience, the impact you want to create. Make it less about self and more about service.
2. Review your collective data. Even if you're just starting out, you've likely gained knowledge on several levels - training, reading, conversations with colleagues. Yes, there's always room for more experience, credentials and such, but do not discount the work you've done to reach your current level. Remember, a fourth-grader has a lot to teach a kindergartner.
3. Receive your presence. FEEL present. Be in the moment. Hear the sounds, see the sights, feel your ribcage expand with your deep breaths.

These three steps helped me feel confident and settle in to the podcast interview with a centered energy ready to give my best. And as I've stepped into more of these slightly uncomfortable moments, they're becoming more comfortable. I'm growing as a person, I'm building my long-term confidence.

And now I'm adding a few new phrases, ones to replace "fake it 'til you make it."

Act As If

The first step away from "fake it" for me has been "act as if."

Act as if I'm the person I want to be.... already!

There's a great chance we're farther along than we give ourselves credit for. And we've got so much capacity for what's yet to be. Take strength and build confidence from those.

I've found "act as if" to be really helpful while building the next career stage. But thanks to my friend I have a new phrase to put in to play: "Own it!"

So as you face new situations this week, what phrases will you try? What shifts will you make to build confidence?

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PS: Clients tell me they build quite a bit of confidence in my Meaningful Momentum program - are you ready to strengthen yours?

PPS: Know someone who could use some confidence in their career?
Send 'em this email!